I got a call on Friday. From my local probation officer. She is not a pleasant woman, to say the least. She was not happy with me, because I hadn't told her that I moved back. But I was told by my PO in Coffeyville that since I am moving back down there in January, he would continue to supervise me so we wouldn't have to deal with the fiasco of transferring my case back down there again.
So she called me, and told me that because of my actions I am out of compliance because I haven't been reporting, and so therefore she is referring my case back to the sentencing judge for a revocation of probation. I have to meet with her on Tuesday...and I am not looking forward to it. At all.
This probation officer...makes me feel lower than low. Every time I have met with her, I have left almost in tears because of the way she breaks me down. The band 'Gallows' provides a more clear example of how this woman makes me feel:
"There is nothing left for me,
I want to kill myself just for relief.
Black cloud, death shroud.
The weight of the world dragging me down.
I have nothing to offer anyone,
the hopes of the hopeless coming undone,
misery is my only friend,
she is a cold fucking snake,
but she is not the end."
Am I worried? Oh yes, very much so. Wish me luck everyone, I've got a feeling I'm going to need it.
Take care,
Josh
Cancer Update
10 months ago
Josh - My son had a female PO for a few weeks and he told me that she talked to him like he was stupid and lower than scum. Your PO has her own problems and most likely is an unhappy person and unfortunately takes it out on anyone that she is able to.
ReplyDeleteUp until you meet with her and during the meeting, try to have feelings of love for her (I know, you're probably thinking NO WAY) and emphathy. I am positive it will help you! My thoughts and prayers are with you!
OMGOSH! Check this out - just today I was talking to Anthony about PO's and he asked if Keven had a male or female, when I said male he said "he's lucky all the female PO's are b_____"
ReplyDeleteJosh, I am so sorry you have to endure that. Its VERY unfair. I guess some people choose their career based on power and control vs. helping people.
Of course what Sherry said is right - usually people who treat others poorly are very unhappy with themselves. But I still think that's unfair to you. I am wishing you luck!!!
Josh, I work at our local court and get calls from probation to put revocations on calendar all the time. Of course, every state and county are different, BUT, if you have been in contact with your other PO and can get a letter from him, some kind of proof that he advised you to continue seeing him, you should be fine. Just try and get all the backup you can from the other PO before even seeing the female who can't get a date. Stay present and don't let it get you down, keep moving forward and just be proactive. Good Luck:)
ReplyDeleteJosh, be strong. You need to overcome your fear and know that you have been doing the right thing and following the rules. I agree with "Mom of Oppiate Addict" in that you need a letter signed by your current PO explaining that he made this decision and gave you advice which you absolutely followed.
ReplyDeleteThis is truly a good life lesson for you (although it doesn't feel that way), because going forward you are likely going to have people in your world that don't always make things easy...it might be a boss, a teacher, a neighbor, even a girlfriend, etc. And the more you are able to navigate around "negative people" and not let them directly impact how you feel about yourself, the more successful in life you will be.
Be strong, and have faith. You are doing the right things.
Josh,I wish you the best.The choices you make of how you scale this roadblock and others will provide you valuable knowledge & lessons on your journey of sobriety.
ReplyDeleteHowever you decide to handle this, honesty and truthfulness to yourself must be your primary concern. As long as you're honest and truthful to yourself, you will have strength to deal with any action or consequences that may arise.
Be strong - Be clean
Alex's mom~