That First Time

Thinking back, I still remember the first time. In fact, I remember it vividly. During Spring Break of my junior year in high school. 17 years old.

"So what do I do...can I get high if I eat it, or do I have to snort it, 'cause I really don't wanna do that." -Me

"No you dumbfuck, if you eat it it will be a waste of your money. Here, I'll walk you through it so you don't fuck up your first time." -Person

"Ok...thanks man." -Me

"No problem man...you and I...we are like brothers here...and I want your first high to be awesome, because that's what friends do, they make sure their bro's don't ruin their first high." -Person

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Thinking back on that first time, I am still confused as to why I tried the shit. I didn't even know how to do it, for crying out loud! I had to have someone walk me through how to crush up a pill, line it up, and snort it!

I suppose it is because I used to keep to myself and do things on my own, but then I made a "friend" whom I thought was a "good" influence on me. Yes, I knew he was a user, but I always told myself that I'd never do that! But, for someone who was starving for social acceptance, dope was what made that happen........at the time. After that first time, it seems as if I was doping up for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks between meals. I felt as if I were on top of the world, but in reality, I wasn't. And I knew that, I just didn't want to accept it.

This went on from Spring Break all the way to right before I started my senior year. I made another friend, who made me realize that you didn't have to get high to have a good time. At first I didn't believe him, and so everytime he would have get-togethers at his place, I'd secretly bring a pocket full o' dope and sneak off into the bathroom at regular intervals to dose up. Then, one night, I decided to see if what he had told me was true. Was it possible to have fun without being high? Sure enough, he was right, and after I realized that, this new friend told me WHY he hated drugs so much. Per his request, I won't go into detail, but it made me think. We had a good, long talk, and he encouraged me to fess up to my parents, who already had their suspicions. He told me if I couldn't do it alone, he'd go with to support me. I was grateful for that, and I accepted the offer to have him help me out.

However, this success was short lived...I fell into a deep depression and turned to the only thing I knew to make me happy at the time...that little green pill that looked better in the form of straight, white lines on my desk.

Thinking back...if I had known what kind of evil web addiction was first hand, I would have just up and left the basement that night, but unfortunately I didn't know what was about to happen, I figured it was just having a good time with my buddies.

Be strong and have faith, everyone!

Take care,
Josh