The last week has been....tough, to say the least. With losing my job, being financially in the tank, and trying to stay clean, it's been a little bit on the rough side.
It has taken every bit of strength I have not to go raid my mom's stash of Vicodin or call up an old dealer. I'll be honest-- I desperately wanted to get high this last week to escape the bounds of reality and just feel numb. But I didn't. I don't want to go back down that path, even though it makes dealing with depressed emotions easier while under the control of narcotics.
It's just not worth it. It's not worth the internal feelings of disgust for your actions, not worth the physical consequences, not worth the guilt, the pain felt by those around you...it's just not worth it, and that's a driving force to keep me clean.
Even though I want to use...I won't. I won't let myself. Whatever it takes, I won't allow myself to get high.
Take care, everyone.
Josh
Cancer Update
10 months ago
Josh, I don't even have words to say how good it is to read this. No matter how tough it is right now, you are making the best decision of your life to not use.
ReplyDeleteI like to hear that you respect yourself enough to not get high- no matter what. Excellent! Keep yourself busy with healthy things! Take good care of yourself Josh.
ReplyDeleteYou recognize that numbing is a temporary fix that truly isn't a fix at all. Actually it would only increase any hardship you may be going through by a ton or more. Good for you working through it. Stay present and play that guitar..you learn the song yet?
ReplyDelete