So I got a phone call today from my grandparents that made me cry pretty bad.
I don't know if I have mentioned it on here, but my grandfather has been battling cancer since last May. It started out in his liver and metastasized to his small intestines. Well good news came last June when he had surgery to remove close to 4 feet of his small intestines, and it was successful, and isolated the cancer to his liver. So anyways, following the surgery, a visit to his oncologist turned out to be good, as we were informed that he has a VERY rare, non-aggressive form of the cancer that a person can live with and be healthy for up to 20 years or more with it requiring minimal treatment consisting of a single shot once a month to slow down this already slow form of cancer.
BUT...good news can only go so far, as we found out earlier today. My grandfather had a monthly checkup with his oncologist today, and found out the results of a series of tests that were run at his last appointment. Unfortunately, his cancer has taken an unexpected turn for the worst, and has metastasized to his lymph nodes and stomach, and has begun to be more aggressive.
I am so scared, and so worried...I cannot even begin to imagine what life would be like without my grandpa. He is, without a doubt, my best friend. He has taught me almost everything I know about working on cars, he has taught me how to cook and wants me to take over his portion of ownership of his restaurant someday, he has taught me how to live as a Man of God and put all of my faith in God and trust Him in life, he has taught me how to respect and treat the ladies, and so much more. Like I said...I cannot even begin to imagine life without him...I am SO scared, and SO worried...I don't wanna lose him.
I understand that everyone eventually leaves the realm of the living and enters Heaven, but I don't wanna lose him to cancer. I lost a great uncle to cancer in May 2008, and by the the end of his 9-month battle with the disease, I couldn't even recognize him. I couldn't bear to see Grampa Stanley to go out that way...and when I talked to my dad about this today after I got home, I haven't seen my dad cry so hard since his baby brother committed suicide in 2006.
I cannot do this. I cannot let this get to me. I cannot self-medicate to numb the pain of reality. I must stay clean. I will stay clean. For my grandfather.
To all of you out there that pray, PLEASE say a prayer for my grandfather's health and for my family. You all have NO idea how much that would mean to me.
Thank you all so much in advance for your prayers. I really appreciate it.
Peace be with you,
Josh
Cancer Update
10 months ago
I just stopped and prayed for Grandpa Stanley. He sounds like the best grandpa ever, and I'm praying that he is around for a long time to come. You never know with cancer - will they be doing chemo or radiation now?
ReplyDeleteAs for you, young friend, I am praying for you too. Do Not Use. Feel the pain, cry the tears, get mad, sad and scared. You will get through this. I'm not minimizing it - its HORRIBLE, but self-medicating would only make you feel worse after the brief reprieve from negative emotions. I know you'll be okay. I'm just so sorry you have to go through this. Life is hard sometimes.
Will do without a doubt! My grandmother was like that for me (she passed when I was 25, I am now 39). *Almost* not a day goes by that I don't think of her at some point due to the tremendous influence she had in my life. You and I are very fortunate to have the blessing of a wonderful influential grandparent.
ReplyDeleteI will pray for Grandpa Stanley, you and your family.
Ahhhh ((((HUGS)))) I am teary eyed and full of emotion, knowing what it feels like. I lost my grandpa to cancer too. He was a wonderful man and he raised me. I am thinking of you and your family and your Grandpa and hoping you all find what you need during this time. I am hoping you will find the strength and serenity to face this and not self medicate.
ReplyDeleteBarbara is right, you can do this. Enjoy all of the moments that you have with him, without fear, and his legacy and memories will sustain when it is finally his time to go Home.
((HUGS))
Oh Josh, I am praying! I'm praying for your grandpa and your dad and for you, for strength, and peace as you go through this difficult time. So SO HARD.... but I pray that you can do this without relapsing. Your grandpa sounds like such a special man. I know he is proud of you. His wishes regarding his portion of the restaurant speak to his pride and confidence in you. Please keep writing!
ReplyDeletehi.. i came across your blog from the mom and dad blog, mind if i follow you? i'm a recovering alcoholic and a lot of what you write resonates with me :)
ReplyDeletei'm sorry to read about your granddad. he sounds like a lovely man. i will put him in my prayers.
Josh,
ReplyDeleteI just saw your blog for the first time today..... I can relate to you a lot, in as far as what I know of you so far..... but I am trying to recover from a pretty nasty pill addiction of 10 years. And it sucks.... which as you know, is an understatement. As for your grandfather, I just said a prayer and I will add him to my prayer list. I'm so happy that he has added to your life the things he has added, especially showing you how to be a man of God..... sounds like he is a great man and I am sure, in fact I know, that you hurt to see him go through this. I watched my dad die a horrible death a couple years ago..... *tears* I didn't recognize him by the end either and it hurt to the deepest level I can imagine feeling pain like that..... I see you made this post on March 3rd (which happens to be my b-day), so I'm wondering how he is doing now? You can rest assured that you are in my prayers now, as is your grandfather..... and I will follow your blog to keep up with how you are doing..... feel free to check out my blog as well! Hugs and prayers.... Kalista