I wasn't planning on it happening again, but it did, unfortunately.
I relapsed two nights ago. It started with a drink or two, and ended with a shot of OxyContin, followed by a few more drinks, and then me passing out.
I feel so, so stupid. And ashamed. And lots of things.
I'm going back to NA.
How is everyone else?
Josh
Cancer Update
11 months ago
At least you know what it started with.
ReplyDelete(((Josh)))
ReplyDeleteNow is the time that you have to do two things. Get back to your meetings...you don't want to do this alone; and two...think about what made you feel that you could "handle this," and start to think about what you will do the next time you have feelings that will lead in that direction. Just keep moving forward. Hugs and prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's like trying to quit smoking, or going on a diet... with both things, if you mess up - don't throw it all away - pick right back up. If I eat the whole chocolate cake tonight while watching tv (tv = "trigger"!) then I can either continue eating cake every night for the next week and gain 10 pounds, or NOT! I can not eat the cake again and continue on my path to losing weight.
ReplyDeleteYou haven't used since Friday night - therefore - you are no longer using - move forward - look ahead.
You said you feel stupid, but you're not - you're human. Hit an NA meeting, LOOK OUT FOR YOU!!!
Oh, I know when I have a "drink or two" I often end up doing something I wish I hadn't. (that's okay, I'm not going to list them all! lol) Maybe think about holding off on the drinks for awhile so you are in control of your mind OR when you're in a place where "something could happen"???
Just my thoughts!
God bless.
My daughter's last several relapses began with a drink, and careened downward until the arrest. One stinking drink. She's currently sitting in jail reflecting on that. *sigh* I miss her.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you said you were going back to NA. You have the tools and I hope you will find the support you need.
I know some folks in NA don't consider alcohol a drug, but to me, it sure seems to be. Please keep posting and know that we care - A LOT!